Missing Link....

By now everyone knows that I am missing them. But as for the moment I am really missing my friends. It's been a long time now since I could just go hang out with someone. Or even just chill and play guitar or 360. For 3 months now I have sat at home, not much to do but work out and play xbox or guitar, alone. I have come to find a greater sense of peace though, while playing my guitar. With no one around me and Tasha upstairs I can play what I want. It been refreshing... therapeutic even. But now I have reached the point where I need some friends. I find myself more and more sitting and not doing anything. Just staring, and I know that boredom has truly set in. Soon though Parker will be here and from what I understand I will not have time to just sit here and do nothing. I sure hope that that's the case.

For those of you that care let me tell you what new skills I have learned in this time of reflection..... nothing. That's right, I have made no useful effort to take all this time that I have had and put it towards something productive. Except for maybe working out. It has just really hit me that I could be learning a new language, but why? I would never use it. Or I could teach myself to play the piano.... but I have no piano. So I guess the final question is, what do I do with all this time? Well I'm open to suggestions......

Game of Life....

So, I'm not one who likes to be negative. For those close to me you know this. But I consider this blog to be a place where I can lay my thoughts down and be done with them. Right now I need to vent. This is my disclaimer. For those of you who might not want to read about my struggles, please don't. It will not hurt my feelings in any way. I do not want to pass this burden on to anyone. I just want to get this off my chest.....

The business thing is going really slow right now. We haven't received much work. We just got some on Thur. but that was the first we have had since Tues of the prior week. The work that we receive wasn't even enough to keep us busy for more than 3 hours and we were done. I know that businesses don't start fast. I don't expect mine to. But I am a little worried about our money situation. Some of you may be thinking, "Well just go get another job". I would love to. But my business requires me to travel and sometimes at last minute. With Tasha being pregnant I'm the only one that can make the trips. Therein lies the problem. I'm torn and I have no idea what to do. My mind runs constantly trying to find a solution day and night. I lay in bed with my eyes wide open for hours trying to figure out something. But nothing comes to me. All I see is dark that fades into morning with a faint light of hope. What hope.... God. He carries me now. Because I have no strength. I have exhausted every once of my energy trying to keep things together. God is my savior. Tonight I fell. Not physically, but mentally. As I started typing this is was mad, disappointed, and scared. Mad and disappointed in myself for not being able to take care of my family the way a man is suppose to. A scared because I'm about to bring a child into this already unstable world.

Now, As i type this I find my strength. God. And I pray:

"Father God take me into your hand. Lift me up and hold me so that I may go on. Lay my head at your heart so that I may rest. Bless my family and help me to provide for them in this life. Help me to show them your way so that you may provide to them in the next life. Your are my God and I never stand alone. You will provide for me because you said that you will. I love you Father God. Thank you for every blessing in my life. Though I may not always see, they greatly out weigh the bad. Thank you most of all for Your Son Jesus. For that is the most precious gift of all. Your promise for a bridge that we may speak to our Father. As your child I drop to my knees, broken. I have only my life to offer and it is nothing. Take me and guild me to be the husband, son, christian that you want me to be. I love you Father God. In Jesus Holy name. Amen."

About 23 years ago a man had a son. He loved him, I know he did. 3 years later he had another. And he loved him too. Then 2 years after he brought a beautiful baby girl into the world and he loved all three of them. This man has been through thick and thin with his children. He has stood behind them 100%. He has held many jobs to provide for his family. Some not as glorious as the rest, but he did them anyway. This man is my father. If he can have this kind of love for us, to provide for us the way he has, then I can't even imagine what God has to offer. His love is so great and his promise so strong that he took his Son and let ME nail him to the cross. My Dad would kill and be killed so that I may live. My Father ,LET me kill, his one perfect son... so that I may live.

Baby talk...

Well today me a Tasha went to One-day prepared childbirth class. (I typed all that because I have no idea how to spell lam... lamas... no....lahmaus???) Anyway, it was neat. There was a lot of information. I'm really looking forward to this. Of coarse after the video we watched I'm not sure that I can say the same for Tasha. HA!! The birth doesn't quite happen the way I thought it did. I thought that when the she went into labor you had to hurry and rush her to the hospital. Believe it or not, you don't. The first part of the labor you just stay at home. You don't take her to the hospital until the contractions are 5 or less minutes apart or the water breaks. Also I didn't know that you could go into labor without the water breaking. They say only about 10% of women have there water break at home. The majority have it done by the doctor at the hospital. Hmmm... go figure.

Well, enough of that. Not much else is really going on in our lives right now. Just kind of going day to day. Hoping that we can get the business running a little better. I hope all is well in Texas or Arizona, depending on who is reading. I love ya'll and can't wait to visit.

Well... I don't know..

Ok. We are back in NJ. Still no NY. I'm not sure when we will be able to set it up. As for now we are trying to expand NJ. Hopefully we will be able to get a few more companies going with us soon. Not a long entry. Sorry.

We're not in Kansas anymore...

Well this weekend Tasha and I took a little trip into Albany, NY. I wanted to show her around the town that we are soon to be moving to. We did a little house rental shopping. Most of the houses that we looked at were not that great. A lot of them needed to be worked on. I was starting to get worried when we finally stumbled on these two great places. One is a condo for rent. It's only three years old. It's in PERFECT condition. The other is a town home. Maybe about six years old. We haven't seen the inside of the town home yet though. We have an appointment tomorrow at 12:30. Both of them are three bedroom. The condo has two baths, a great kitchen and living room, and backs up the a beautiful little pond. The town house is in a very, very nice neighborhood and has 2 1/2 baths. As i said I haven't been inside so I don't know how it looks. The only thing that makes the town home a little better so far is that it has a heated basement. Which sort of makes it three stories. Hopefully the inside will look nice. I will have to let you guys know tomorrow.

Anyway, we are going to go to Albany Church of Christ tomorrow. I hope that we like it. We may have to leave a little early to make it to the house appointment. Well, I should go to bed now. I love you guys and miss you all.

Quiet on the front...

Not a whole lot going on right now. We are still receiving work from GMAC so I can't complain. Hopefully soon we will be getting a few more companies added on. We are heading up to the DMV tomorrow.... wait... 2:15am... today. Hopefully we will have better luck with getting our work back from them. The past two times that I have gone they haven't had anything ready for me. We called them today and they said that they would have it ready. We'll see.

Tasha is doing good. The baby is really growing. I can't believe that we are only about 8 weeks away from the due date. It still seems like a dream almost. I can't believe that I have grown up. It feels like yesterday I was just a kid in Haltom City, livin' next door to Mema and Pepa, and ridein' bikes up and down the road. Time flies so fast. I have heard that it goes even faster once you have kids. I just hope that t doesn't pass by too fast. I'm going to love being a Dad and I would like some time to enjoy doing things with Parker that my Dad did with me. Hopefully he will enjoy being a son as much as I did. Dad, I know I don't say it enough to you but thanks. Tasha and I were talking tonight and I realized all the great things that you have taught me. I know that I wouldn't be the man I am today if it weren't for you. Mom, I love you so much and thank you for the love and care that you have have given to me. I know that without you I would not be able to love and care for my family the way I do. Thank you for being such great parents. I can't wait to start my new life with my family and put to use all the wonderful things that you have taught me. I love you all and can't wait to see you.